Day 1096 and Somehow Counting

Three years ago, I watched Touma lose his mind

So I seem to have hit some mark for continuing to blog for a length of time, but I can’t seem to put myself in a position to celebrate it at all. Hence the use of a day count rather than a number of months or even years. I haven’t really felt good about the last year as far as my writing. Last year I said I had 2 paths to go toward, thoughtful analysis or writing on something popular. It seems I’m pretty well incapable of the former without being incredibly boring, and the latter seems to have been a complete miss with Haganai.

Duration isn’t exactly something I find worth celebrating in the middle of. At the end of it all, that’s fine if what came before it was great. However, it sort of feels like hitting Scamp’s famed 3 year mark is like awarding the winner of a 24-hour endurance race after 3 hours. Further more, I’m fairly certain that Scamp’s observation has skewed the survival of blogs as it has set a target that no one would have thought about before he wrote on it.

Two years ago, I was probably laughing at an absurd marriage fantasy

So what else has happened in the last year? There were the group watches of various shows that I don’t know if I really contribute to in a serious way. Making people laugh is fine, but when it comes to serious shows I may as well mute my mic. There’s probably a level of fear in there that maybe I’m not a serious enough fan to contribute. This probably seems in sharp contrast to my writing here which is all too literal with any analysis and humor dulled to the point of having no edge at all. Pumping out week-after-week-after-week of Legend of the Galactic Heroes posts may have ruined my ability to write. There’s the rub, trying to combine one of the great works of anime into improving my ability to write has ruined both for me.

There’s also the topic of blog stats that seems to bother me whenever anniversaries or milestone view counts are brought up. One million plus hits seems to be the worst as I lag around averaging somewhere in the region of 6 hits a day over the entire history of this blog. I know it’s a stupid thing to get all out of shape about, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m doing something wrong, or worse that I’ve thrown away effort from the start.

Last year, it was most definitely this shootout.

About 11 months ago, and convinced by a couple of others I did apply to write for another blog and was rejected. Needless to say, my confidence has been shattered ever since. Resilience isn’t what I’m know for despite inexplicably lasting here as long as I have. I still haven’t even considered writing somewhere else. My existing writing isn’t generating traffic, so why would anyone want me, before even going into the fact that I used Index as my application material. This still hasn’t stopped one of their writers from repeatedly referencing me in his posts lately. I don’t see myself as worthy of having anyone care about what I write until I feel that I have become someone who writes interestingly and without fear.

To continue on the topic of regret, I also have this post on Redline that I never got around to pulling the trigger on posting. It will almost certainly never see the light of day as it’s by far the worst thing I’ve ever put together for post here. It’s the result of what happens when you try to write an opinion on something, but are just afraid to stand behind it. I know that works with partial season reviews on considerably more popular sites, but even I couldn’t stand reading that piece of waffling again.

On the other hand, I am improving on at least commenting somewhere else so my presence goes beyond my regular/almost daily breakdowns about how terrible I am at everything. That sounds pretty depressing that latter part. Unfortunately, it seems to work too well for comfort in trying to promote things. I really wish that weren’t true, but I digress. I probably made the mistake of not watching anything that most people in this blogosphere watch.

Generic storyline is generic, but I keep watching.

Instead I watch:

  • Haganai because the full title is fairly accurate to my own circumstances and because I’m writing on it
  • The new Last Exile simply for aesthetics because I have no idea what larger universe it exists in
  • The 2nd seasons of Ika Musume, Working and Sekaiichi Hatsukoi despite the fact that I hate squid puns, like the Inami scenes, and don’t find any of the characters at the publisher to be realistic
  • Maken-ki because where iyashikei series can be relaxing for some people, crap harem fanservice-fests have the same affect on me. Relaxing and completely forgettable five minutes after it’s done.
Quite possibly my hit rate on the Anime Power Rankings mirrors Adam Dunn's batting average.

So to wrap this all up to those still paying attention, I approach the next 366 days at a bit of a crossroads. I simply don’t know where to take this blog for much longer. I just want to be able to write in a year that I didn’t feel like I was utterly left behind. There’s probably room for stuff to still be done here. Some seem to like the light-hearted nature of those Pointless Debate posts I started on a whim. I just worry about the lack of things to fall back on when I do run out of Legend of the Galactic Heroes posts.

On reflection, not writing on this was a bit of a missed opportunity

To summarize for those who think the above is too long and can’t be bothered to read, I’m not in a particularly celebratory mood as I feel I have failed in a bunch of ways in the last year. I continue to watch and write about the wrong shows all the while wondering why I can’t seem to do better. Plus, within a few months I may have nothing else to really write about. I think that just about covers everything; less whinging for next year’s anniversary post.

33 thoughts on “Day 1096 and Somehow Counting”

  1. Sure sucks doesn’t it?

    Everything is shitty and you missed the opportunity to say how shitty everything was when it was really shitty. And now it’s hindsight etc etc

    It sucks even more when it’s so fucking important to not look bad to others. So we talk about failing at not looking bad all the time.

    I mean, what the fuck is an anime blog for? Why do we make this shit?

    It must be because it’s the best way to avoid looking bad to others.

    Btw, blogging Bakemonogatari was one of the best decisions I ever made in this silly hobby… on a whim I decided to be an episodic anime blogger LOL

    Unhappy anniversary! Congratulations!

    1. Doing something without a target is what makes it suckm and it is better to publicly look bad than to be ignored. True, I overreached a bit in trying to write. I mean, I would never go out in public and tell people that I write an anime blog, it would just seem weird.

  2. (hope all the tags work!)

    Linked in an Emperor J post… SEVEN YEARS BAD LUCK I’M HONORED!!! (it also counts as a comment towards my post. Much appreciated =3 Though you should bold the second J159 link cause I don’t think anyone will notice and/or click it. Thanks in advance.)

    The new Last Exile simply for aesthetics because I have no idea what larger universe it exists in because J159 blogs it.

    Emperor J, you’re too kind~ (▰˘◡˘▰), but I also think you’re too hard on yourself. Scratch that. I think my reply to your comment still stands:

    IT’S NOT ABOUT COMMENTS EMPEROR J WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH THEM?!?! JUST HAVE FUN!!! MAKE FUN OF ANIME AND HAVE FUN!!! FUN THINGS ARE FUN!!!

    I honestly don’t understand why you have an anime blog if all it does is make you feel depressed. You said you want comments for discussion but you’re not even asking a question! What exactly do you expect from your readers? WHY should they comment? WHY DOES IT MATTER!??! If comments are that important, you’re not putting enough effort to obtain them. Take Ghostlightning above for example. He leaves comments like a MAAOOOUUUFUCKER (well I don’t visit many blogs anymore but I remember when he’d comment everywhere in 2009-2010. Just like Baka-Raptor, actually). Is it shameless? Not if he leaves good insight! When you tried leaving comments you pretty much went “Waaaahhh this isn’t working okay I’m done leaving comments” You only did it for a day or two while Ghostlightning did it for A WHOLE YEAR!!! The point is: He put the effort. You gotta do it too! (Also having good, consistent posts doesn’t hurt either). The other point I’m trying to make is you suck at getting comments, but you gotta realize WHY you suck! The faster we realize our mistakes, the faster we can improve on them! In other words, we can only succeed IF WE FAIL!!! YOU’RE THE BIGGEST FAILURE IN THE BLOGGOSPHERE!! THEREFORE, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SUCCEED; IT’S YOUR ONLY OPTION!!! LIKE THE ASHES OF THE MIGHTY PHOENIX, YOU SHALL RISE AND REBORN!!!

    I don’t want you to be unhappy because you’re my friend. You will find happiness, and I will help.

    1. Yeah 2009-2010 I deployed the “comment fucking everywhere” strategy as Baka-Raptor does in a bigger scale.

      It’s unsustainable, but was fun too because I discovered a lot of things in other blogs — both stuff to emulate, and to avoid doing.

      These days I wish I commented more often and in more blogs.

      Also, not really knowing why, I have downvoted every single comment in this thread LOLOL

      1. The comment everywhere strategy isn’t really a feasible tactic these days. There’s just a marginal gain when you reach a certain point. That doesn’t really excuse my lack of commenting. I just struggle with leaving good comments.

    2. Biggest failure in the blogosphere, eh? Well that’s not exactly encouraging. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually capable of good insight. I’m usually good at killing conversations with facts and one-liners, but those aren’t necessarily good things. There’s just large deficiencies that I have.

    1. That was actually one of the things I originally set out to do here. There are quite a few posts from those days that never made it beyond that initial month. I think I’d have to do it elsewhere.

  3. You’re too serious in your blog, though maybe that’s a style trait 😦

    As for not posting that REDLINE post, YOU’VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE

    LITERALLY

    I’ve also got nothing to lose and everybody else also has nothing to lose with the exception of like RC because if they posted a crappy post… oh wait, nobody would care.

    Besides, you get more comments than me. Even if you get less total comments, you get more serious comments. Ghostlightning never comments on my blog!

    1. It’s much easier to be whimsical with a 140-character limit than it is over a longer duration. The Redline post is bad, like historically bad. There’s always the minute chance that there is something to lose when writing publicly.

      1. There’s things to lose, but YOU have nothing to lose! So post it out there and who cares what happens? Maybe people will find it awesome.

        ok that comment felt less encouraging than I originally intended it to be

      2. Well I could do something stupid like post trade secrets from my job or something similar, but I can’t see that happening in this particular context.

  4. Dude, I ran one for 4+ years and never got a million hits. It was insane, crazy and people still hate me for that series of planetarian posts I made in 2008ish. Even though I was 18 then and did not understand the much bigger ramifications of it a lot later.

    I worked retail, got fired and REHIRED within the span of 18-21 months and I might just dive in again when I feel a little chipper. Even though I dread interacting with the likes of Aroduc and Colony Drop.

    And comments? I HAD POSTS WHERE YOU CAN SEE TUMBLEWEEDS AND I MANAGED TO SOLDIER ON.

    And I haven’t been writing for MONTHS.

    I can match you failure for failure. And I have a real shitty outlook on everything ever.

    Also if you’re gonna be this unhappy go watch some older stuff. Like… XABUNGLE!

    1. Planetarian posts?

      Anyways, case in point – everybody comments intelligently on your blog, compared to my usual comments, such as ‘wow you fast runner stop being fast’.

      See, I’m jealous of your blog. Nobody’s jealous of mine 😛

    2. Aroduc and Colony Drop probably don’t think I exist so interacting with them is a non-issue. The posts with tumbleweeds didn’t bother me until they started happening again. Anyway, let’s not make this a pissing match on shitty outlooks.

      1. The point really is that if you still enjoy what you do, you’ll be able to continue soldiering on, LONELY SOLDIER BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY.

        If not, everyone accepts the fact that you need to take breaks from anime. I’m in my second extended break and I actually feel ready to continue rolling. Despite the knowledge that filth like CD exist and people actually like them for all the wrong reasons.

  5. Re: groupwatches.
    This is why I only do terribad. It’s very tough in a group (especially remote group) situation to contribute something meaningful to a viewing that is supposed to contain any sort of depth or require interpretation. I prefer Mad Bull, and yes you do make me laugh. As does your skype avatar.

    Re: traffic.
    I was prompted to look that up for the first time in ages by reading this. Maybe it was “quitting blogging” that liberated me but I just don’t care anymore.

    Re: lasting.

    Further more, I’m fairly certain that Scamp’s observation has skewed the survival of blogs as it has set a target that no one would have thought about before he wrote on it.

    Schrödinger’s Blog?

    Anyway… congrats on survival. Life begins at 3, you know.

    1. When things get serious, messages get harder to convey with any sort of nuance. It doesn’t matter if it’s the political issue of the day or even the resolution of a plot triangle in a mecha movie, the number of possible opinions shrinks dramatically. That’s why something like the terribad sessions can be liberating.

  6. post that redline post. do itttttttt

    as for what to do when you run out of LotgH stuff…. maybe pick up… detective conan! 😄 i honestly dunno what to tell you but generally just doing what you are interested in is good enough 😀

    oh and i’d love to see a top anime list from you unless i’m just blind and you have one but your blog is kinda a pain to search for those kind of things so yeah.

    stop worrying about comments and page views seriously~

    1. The Redline post is more about my opinion of others’ opinions. Basically that’s not owning my opinion really, which is that I wasn’t impressed.

      As far as a top anime list, I haven’t really thought there was interest in it. I really lack controversial picks.

      And after reading of someone whinging of getting views at a mere 6 times the rate I am, I can’t complain.

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